


遠回りして帰る

by oreranoneiro (jiyuunoriyuu)



Category: SixTONES (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, The usual KyomoHoku stupidity, kind of mutual pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26217511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiyuunoriyuu/pseuds/oreranoneiro
Summary: Once you've met your soulmate, you will share everything with them. Love and grief. Joy and sadness. Pleasure and pain.Kyomoto Taiga never met his soulmate, but he feels them.
Relationships: Kyomoto Taiga/Matsumura Hokuto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30
Collections: KyomoHokku Soulmate Edition





	遠回りして帰る

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chocolatecrack](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatecrack/gifts).



Kyomoto Taiga never met his soulmate.

Statistically, he should’ve met them already. A study said 75% of humans meet their soulmate between the age of 8-19 years old. 7% found them early during their childhood. The late bloomers found theirs a little later. That’s just how human genetics works—a soulmate is someone close by who will assure your happiness for the rest of your life, so you will find them in the first quarter of your life.

The rest were never found by their soulmates.

It’s not like humans can’t be happy without the other piece of their souls, but they are social creatures after all. Having their soulmate means positive feelings are doubled while the negative ones are shared by two people. Life is hell, but your soulmate makes it bearable. So humans craves for that fateful meeting, that first eye contact that will start the bond of something stronger. Soulmates will recognize each other once their eyes meet, and they will never let go. They just can’t.

Because the moment their eyes met, they will start feeling each other's emotion, and why would you let go of someone who understand you beyond logic?

Taiga was never good with handling emotions. He tends to ignore those as he uses the more logical way of thinking as he grew up. He’s a normal human with normal emotion, but being an entertainer is painful. It’s a hard life full of disappointment. The only reason he stays is because of the high he felt when performing. So he hoped his soulmate would guide him through it, helping him relearn how to feel again. Because who will be better at teaching him feelings, but the person who shares physical and emotional sensations with him?

But Taiga never felt that tug in his heart, and haven't found the person who reached out and gripped his hands tightly.

Okay, that was a lie. He went through a period where he was obsessed with his soulmate, when he was bold enough to keep on staring right at people’s eyes. During that time, young Taiga sometimes assumes a stranger as his soulmate just by any passing strong emotion. A study said it’s a common phase for teenagers, since people just can’t wait to have that someone who was meant for them. But they will know when it was real and not some self-suggestion. They always know.

By the age of 19, Taiga wondered if the study somehow made a mistake.

It was a slowly building suspicion. Everything started a year before the Bakaleya hype died down. He felt lonely all the time, missing the group that he thought could be his home. The childish dreams of standing side by side with those five have faded by now, leaving an empty space and uncertainty of the future. He missed those days where he just had to turn around to talk to them, where the joy and laughter only subsided when the camera started rolling. But those days were gone, and Taiga knows better than wishing for it to return.

Amidst those quiet days, he started feeling a random spark of affection. 

It was weird. He doesn’t feel it when a certain someone is around—he was always with a different person when the warmth hit. Sometimes he was alone. It keeps coming on at random times, a mix of happiness and affection and longing. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Taiga is experiencing a blooming love.

_ His soulmate _ is falling in love.

Which doesn’t make any sense, because Taiga hasn't met that person. Except he did. He did and he didn’t realize it, maybe neither did his soulmate. Because there wasn’t any other explanation, right? Why would they keep moving on without saying anything if they knew, why would they fall in love with someone else if they haven’t given a chance to this connection they have?

Maybe that’s the problem. Taiga’s soulmate saw him and decided no, they don’t want to be stuck with Taiga all their life. And so Taiga mourned, sulked, despaired, you name it. Nothing right is going on in his life, and his only source of delight was the pleasure his soulmate finds in someone else.

He thought he was broken beyond repair.

But life goes on. He slowly got used to ignoring those unknown feelings. He trained hard, he took whatever chance came his way, tired his body out to drown those unwanted pain. 

He doesn’t think his soulmate’s love life is going well though, because one day Taiga broke down during dance practice, feeling the most intense sorrow he ever had. The others crowded him, asking if he’s okay and tried to calm him down. He has a lot to explain, and his soulmate is surely a jobless crybaby who doesn’t stop weeping for hours in the daylight. Serves them right, for breaking Taiga’s heart so silently.

(A part of Taiga wants to rush over and hug them, reassure them that everything will be alright. But how would he do that, if he doesn't even know who they are?)

Maybe one day he will learn to love someone who doesn’t have a magical bond with him, just like how his soulmate did.

  
  
  


“I met my soulmate yesterday,” said Shintaro as they were waiting for the manager to pick them up. They just finished a job with only the two of them, the others busy with their own schedules.

“Woah! Congrats! Where did you meet them? What are they like?” It’s no secret that Shintaro has always been worried about being the 3% person of society, since he’s already 23 and still soulmate-less.

“Pretty. She looks like a doll, with long hair and big eyes.” Taiga waits patiently, knowing Shintaro must have something more in his mind. Otherwise, he would've been loud and told everyone right after he met her. “She’s deaf.”

“Oh,” whispered Taiga, racking his brain to look for words to say. The encouragement that wouldn’t hurt Shintaro. They are idols, artists, singers. Someone who uses their voice to please other people. It surely pained Shintaro greatly that the person he will spend all his life with couldn't hear him.

“So I will learn sign language,” the positivity in Shintaro’s voice makes Taiga look at the younger, and he found nothing but certainty and determination in the other’s eyes. “For now we talk with messages, but I will do my best so we can communicate easier.”

Taiga hummed in response, a bit ashamed at how he assumed Shintaro’s worried about something so shallow. Shintaro is kind, gentle, and strong. Harder things didn’t stop him before, so of course he would face it gallantly.

“Good luck,” he finally said before reaching out to mess Shintaro’s hair, feeling nothing but pride at how amazing his best friend is. “Wait here, I’ll buy some drinks to celebrate it. We can have a proper celebration when—Woah!”

“Kyomo?! Are you okay?” He looked up to Shintaro hovering worriedly above him. Taiga just stood up from the bench but his legs gave out, and in a blink he found himself sitting on the ground.

“Yeah, just- I don’t know,” he answered as Shintaro pulled him up and helped him to the bench, blinking rapidly before letting out a sigh. “It happened a lot recently. Feels like my body is weaker, and I often have headaches and dizzy spells. I went for a check-up last week, but they found nothing wrong. I’m perfectly healthy.”

“So it’s…” Shintaro didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t have to. Taiga nods serenely, confirming Shintaro’s thoughts. The doctor said it too. The reason behind it is nothing else but his soulmate.

“They should get their shit together soon, why do they keep on troubling me like this…” If Shintaro heard the worry in Taiga’s voice, the younger is wise enough not to comment on it. Most of his friends think Taiga is just secretive about his soulmate, but Shintaro knows. Shintaro was the one who lent his shoulder for Taiga to cry on few years ago, when his soulmate was so devastated about their failed relationship. Shintaro was with him when he had to handle both his soulmate and his own heartbreak.

Shintaro knows Taiga’s soulmate already abandoned him.

It’s stupid. His longing, worries, attachment to someone he doesn’t know. Taiga said he let go of any and all hope, but what’s left behind is something stronger. There is no way to unlearn their bond, no way not to feel all the surge of emotion. By now Taiga understands how to decode his soulmate’s feelings. He knows what caused them joy and delight, what makes them cry and suffers. He can’t explain  _ how _ , as he only gets emotions and not thoughts, but Taiga  _ knows _ .

It took him a week of that fatigue to understand his soulmate is wearing themself out on purpose.

“They’re okay. They’re happy. It’s been a while since they’ve been this happy. So I don’t get why—” his phone chime interrupted, and Taiga whipped out his phone in annoyance. The notification told him it’s their manager, on SixTONES group chat.

> _ Kyomoto-kun, Morimoto-kun, I’m sorry but please go home with a taxi. _
> 
> _ Matsumura-kun collapsed on location. _

  
  
  


“Jesse! Is he okay?” Taiga walks faster once he sees Jesse in the hospital’s corridor, just coming out from a room. His heart clenched when he reminded himself it’s Hokuto’s room. Shintaro is trailing behind him, looking as worried as Taiga.

“Yeah, he just woke up. It’s overwork and light malnutrition,” said Jesse with a rare serious face. “Doctor said he will be okay after a day's rest and some supplements. Can one of you accompany him for a bit? Only one visitor is allowed, but I need to tell Manager-san something, he’s taking care of the administration right now.”

“You go in, Kyomo,” Shintaro nudged him forward, and Taiga saw something unreadable on Shintaro’s expression. Shintaro had that look all the way when they rushed to the hospital, like he figured something out but couldn't say it yet. “I promised Juri and Kochi to update them on his situation. And I thinkーIt's a guess so I don't know for sure. I might be wrong, but I think you and Hokuto have something to discuss.”

_ About what?  _ Shintaro didn’t give him a chance to ask before shoving him inside, and Taiga found himself staring at Hokuto, who lay on the bed with a face just as puzzled as Taiga. He approached the younger man and sat down on the chair on the bedside, letting the awkward silence wrapped them as Hokuto avoided to look at him.

Hokuto is even thinner than the last time they had group work last week. His arms are so boney, and his eyebags look terrible without makeup covering it. His cheekbone is always prominent, but with the lack of his chubby cheeks Taiga found it scary instead of beautiful. Hokuto’s hands that are holding his blanket are trembling a bit.

“So? I understand overwork, but malnutrition?” Nothing, not even their strange relationship, will stop Taiga from scolding Hokuto. They’re both professional, and he expects better from Hokuto. Shooting several acting works at the same time must be tiring, but forcing himself until he passed out doesn't sound like Hokuto.

“I’m sorry,” answered Hokuto meekly, still avoiding Taiga’s eyes. “I have to lose several kilograms for this role, but I don’t have time to work out and I don’t know any other way. I thought it’s still alright, but it looks like I’m overestimating myself… Kyomoto, sorry for troubling you. You felt the pain too, right?”

“Stop. Why are you apologizing to me? What did you mean by the pain?”

That moment, when Hokuto finally looked at him in surprise, the gear in Taiga’s brain started rolling.

Shintaro’s words. Shintaro, who saw him losing his balance few minutes before the news about Hokuto's collapse reach them. His weeks-long fatigue and random bout of hunger, the suspicion about his soulmate’s deteriorating health. The missing burden he noticed since they started YouTube and Hokuto opened his heart to the group. The longing and loneliness he felt before it. His dance training breakdown, which (he thought) incidentally happened at the same time as what rumoured to be Hokuto and Jesse’s break up. The connection they had back then, during the Bakaleya era.

For the last 5 years, they celebrated and despaired together, so much that Taiga mistook Hokuto’s emotions as his own.

“Since when did you know?” asked Taiga in a quiet voice. He has a thousand questions running in his head, but more than anything he feels his rage rising. How come he missed it, how come he didn’t notice it’s Hokuto?

_ Why didn’t Hokuto tell him? _

“A bit after group formation. You sprained your leg and somehow I have trouble walking normally.” Hokuto answers in a voice just as small as him, eyes wide open. “Wait. Kyomoto, you didn’t know?”

“What makes you think I know? Why did you keep it from me?” His anger starts seeping into his words, but Hokuto just stares back at him. Then the black-haired man started laughing shakily. “Hokuto, what the fuck?”

“God, I’m such an idiot,” Hokuto hid his eyes behind his arm, but it’s too late. Taiga saw the tears welling up on his eyes already. A part of him wants to pull away the arm and wipe those tears on his own, but Hokuto owes him an explanation. “I–I thought you know. I thought you didn’t say anything because you don’t like it.”

“Why wouldn’t I like it?” That’s such a bizarre idea, him not liking his soulmate, especially when said soulmate is Matsumura Hokuto. Damn, everyone but the boy himself knew Taiga had a years long crush on the other from the first day of Bakaleya shooting. He dreamt about having Hokuto as his soulmate, something he dismissed as a stupid thought.

Because there’s no way Hokuto is his soulmate, not the wonderful Hokuto.

And yet.

“Because it’s me! Why would  _ you _ want  _ me _ as your soulmate? And I was so dumb that I thought what I felt on my audition day was a mix of my nerve and admiration toward you, because fuck you were so cute and adorable and then my idiot self found out years later that it was real all this time, but you didn’t say anything so I thought you were disgusted–”

“Ssh, Hokuto, calm down,” Taiga didn’t even realize moving from his chair. But Hokuto needed him, so he pulled the younger one into a hug. Taiga felt his silent sobs on his chest. “Take a deep breath, okay. I’m not angry, it’s just– I just don’t understand.”

“I’m sorry,” Hokuto’s voice is muffled, but Taiga can hear the regret in the younger’s voice. “Kyomoto, I’m sorry. I thought you hate me.”

“I didn’t, okay? If you’re an idiot then I don’t know what am I, because I wouldn't have known if you didn't tell me. I didn’t know you felt our bonds so strongly, because I can feel you only when you were overwhelmed. I’m sorry too, for not noticing.” Hokuto’s panic makes Taiga let go of his anger, and with it he notices what can be nothing but Hokuto’s feelings. Regret, self-deprecation, guilt, sense of being undeserving, pain, everything. It’s strong enough to make him feel nauseated.

How did he miss it all this time? Those feelings literally screamed Hokuto’s name. Poor Hokuto, who’s so full of insecurity and lack of confidence. Hokuto, who grins so wide and laughs so beautifully, enough to blind Taiga. Maybe he really did. Taiga was blind not to see the younger’s pain, too busy pitying himself to see how Hokuto is hurting.

“No.” Hokuto pulled back from his arms, and Taiga reluctantly let him go. The younger is looking at him in anger and determination now, although his tears are still dripping. “Don’t hate yourself, it wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know either. It was me who kept the truth from you. If you're looking for someone to blame, then it's me. Or maybe it’s both of us, who didn’t say things properly and keep on assuming things."

“But if you let me, I want to fix this. Us.”

And oh, there was only one answer from the start.

So Taiga leaned forward, stopping an inch from Hokuto’s lips. He doesn’t have to wait long until Hokuto answered his invitation, and to say he feels fireworks popping is an understatement. They always have the sparks, the electrification every time they touched, but Taiga never thinks much of it. He should have.

Hokuto cradles his cheeks and pulls him closer, almost like he can’t get enough of Taiga. So Taiga wrapped his arm around the younger’s neck, demanding Hokuto to give him more. He had kissed other people before, but there’s nothing more endearing than Hokuto’s clumsy kiss, and nothing felt better than the way Hokuto’s lips fit so nicely with his own. Hokuto let go for a second, gasping for air but couldn’t stay away for more than a second.

Taiga’s heart beats furiously, or maybe it was Hokuto’s, does it even matter? The only thing he cares about is how he finally can hold his soulmate close. Finally he can help him heal, and maybe get some help fixing himself too, because they’ve been hurting themselves and each other for years.

Maybe, after all the pain everything will be alright.

  
  
  


“Kyomoto?” They’ve stopped kissing after a while, too breathless to keep going on. Taiga is back on his chair, but he doesn’t let go of Hokuto’s hand. Hokuto grips his just as tightly anyway. He hummed in response, too busy watching Hokuto’s flustered face to form words.

“I’m sorry for asking now after… that, but this means we’re dating now, right?”

“Of course, you idiot. You can be so silly sometimes,” Taiga can’t help but giggle, then pecked Hokuto’s lips so the other would stop pouting. “But it’s okay, you’re  _ my _ idiot.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I wanted to add more (smut? something?) to this but I hit the word count limit OTL  
> I hope you like this~


End file.
